The Captain's fish fingers have been stolen
Narrator
It's the Adventures of Captain Birdseye!
Captain
Ahoy there! I'm Captain Birdseye.
Kids
Yay!
Captain
How about some of my fishy cheese-encrusted shafts? Prime tasty rods
of fish-style nutrition coated with finest dairy-like cheese
substitute. Mmmmm!
Kids
Yay! [except Katie, who goes 'Eww']
Captain
All right! I'll just get them from the freezer. La la la, it's fishy
time, oh yeah it's fish! [fx: fridge opening] Fish! Fish! We love...
[beat] <gasp> They're gone! The fish sticks have been...
All
Dah, dah, daah!
Captain
...stolen!
Billy
Have you checked under the pork chops Captain?
Captain
No! This time the fish-based products really have been
stolen! And what's this? Haddock oil stains on the lower shelf! The
thief must have accidentally brushed his arm on it when he was
stealing...
Katie
Or she.
Captain
...stealing... what?
Katie
It could have been a woman thief it doesn't have to be a man you know.
Captain
Aye aye, Katie, me boy! He - [patronising] or she - [back to normal;
doesn't notice he's saying 'his' and 'he'] brushed his arm when he was
stealing the fish sticks!
Billy
Ooh! What does that mean Captain?
Captain
It's a clue! Only one area of the sea has any remaining
stocks of haddock. Quickly, we must recover my secret formula! Set
sail for the North Atlantic, warp factor six!
Narrator
More exciting adventures with Captain Birdseye next time!
Katie
Captain we don't have warp engines. We're a boat. <sigh>