Losertown: Captain Birdseye 16

It's the adventures of Captain Birdseye! The story so far... a large asteroid heads for planet earth, and only a rag-tag team of roughnecks can stop it. As time runs out, the tough guys learn the value of life.

What?

Sorry. That's not the story so far. That's the plot of Armageddon. Bruce Willis dies in the end by the way. Captain Birdseye is just sailing towards an island looking for treasure. No asteroids. Boring.

Ahoy there! I'm Captain Birdseye!

Yay!

How do you like my new fish doughnuts recipe, shipmates?

Yay!

Very yummy Captain!

Thanks, Nicky!

I'm not sure about the custard filling.

Oh, look - there's one doughnut left!

Can I have it Captain?

Aar. Tell you what. I'll paper-scissors-stone you for it. Best out of three.

Okay!

3... 2... 1...

Stone!

[together] Fish!
I win!

Eh? What's 'fish'?

Fish swallows stone - I win!

Ohhw.

3... 2... 1...

Scissors!

[together] Fish!
I win!

Surely scissors cut fish, into prime fillets?

No. Fish beats scissors.

How? How does a fish win a fight with a pair of scissors?

Fish beats everything!

Owwh. Can we have a best out of five?

This is stupid. I'll play you for it. 3, 2, 1... fish.

[together] Net.
I win.

What?! I thought you said fish beats everything!

Net catches fish!

It's a hard game, isn't it Katie?

Very challenging. <sigh> So what beats net, then?

Scissors, of course! Silly boy.

[bored with explaining this] I'm a girl.

[quickly] 3, 2, 1...

Scissors.

[together] Space aliens.
I win!

I hate my life.

More exciting adventures with Captain Birdseye next time!

Can we have a best out of nine?