Another disappointing anticlimax
Narrator
It's the adventures of Captain Birdseye! The story so far... oh, I
don't know... something to do with treasure.
Captain
Ahoy there! I'm Captain Birdseye!
Kids
Yay!
Captain
[aside; matter-of-fact] We're on Danger Island now.
Kids
Yay!
Captain
At last! The riches of the ocean are within our grasp! We will finally
make our fortune and locate... the treasure!
Billy
Captain, I need to do some poo-poos.
Katie
[mumsy] Just go over by the dunes there, Billy, and bury it in the
sand, OK?
Captain
Aar. And mark it with a big cross so we know where it is.
Billy
Yes, Captain.
Captain
Right! Let's get a-searching. According to this map, we're looking
for a small hill between two palm trees, near a rocky pool.
Katie
Okay, let's go!
Music
Fade up; fade FX out; short pause then back to normal
Katie
Are you sure we've got the right island Captain? I haven't found
anything so far.
Kids
[No/me neither/etc.]
Captain
Aar. Where's little Billy gone?
Billy
[approaching] Here I am Captain! I did my poo-poos!
Katie
Good boy!
Captain
And you did mark it like I said? I don't want to start digging for
treasure and end up uncovering your stools [flat] imagine the surprise
Katie
My, that would be hilarious.
Billy
I didn't need to Captain. There was already a big cross on the
ground there. Just between the palm trees. On top of the big wooden
chest.
Captain
[pause] Chest... as in... treasure?
Billy
Oh! Was it treasure? [beat] I thought it was a special toilet.
Captain
Come on, kids! We've found the treasure!
Kids
Yay!
Katie
<sigh> I am not cleaning it up. Not again.
Captain
Open her up, me hearties!
FX
Chest opening
Kids
<gasp>
Katie
Oh god.
Captain
Aar. Precious golden treasure.
Katie
I feel sick.
Captain
What a bounty!
Katie
I should have seen it coming I suppose.
Billy
That's a lot of fish fingers in there, isn't it Captain?
Katie
[angry] We went through all that for a chest of fish fingers?
Captain
Prime quality juicy fillet golden fish fingers!
Katie
We've already got a boatful of fish fingers!
Captain
Arr... you can never have too many fish fingers Katie.
Katie
Oh for god's sake. You've got more fish fingers than anyone could
ever eat - you're Captain Birdseye!
Kids
Yay!
Katie
Shut up! Shut up all of you!
Kids
Ooooohh!
Billy
Katie's in a strop!
Katie
You just cheer when anyone says Birdseye...
Kids
Yay!
Katie
...see, like mindless automata.
Captain
Be quiet and have some fish fingers.
Katie
No! I don't like fish fingers! I'm going to be a vegetarian.
Billy
Stupid! Stupid, Katie is stupid Captain!
Captain
Aar yes, she needs to learn to be a good shipmate. Conform!
All
Conform! Conform!
Captain
Go on! Eat the fishfingers!
All
Eat them! Conform! [etc.]
Katie
No!
Captain
Get her! Eat!
Katie
<mumbling and screaming, mouth-full-of-fish-finger complaints>
Narrator
The end. No more exciting adventures. That's it.
Katie
Mmm... they're quite nice actually.