Part 130: Compilation albums

Hello. I'm Professor Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards. For the last forty years I have dedicated my life to painstaking research into the field of music. Music is my first love. And it will be my... last... <sob>... forty years... my god.
Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards's History of Music, part 130: compilation albums
Something. Dunno. Hmm.
Compilations. The concept is simple: an artist or band scours their back catalogue for their best work, their most original songs, their most intelligent and polished output. Having removed this commercially unviable chaff, the remaining formulaic and inane wheat will form the body of the Best Of.
If the artist in question still has a career, they will likely attach a few new tracks to the end of the Best Of, to persuade gullible fans to pay good money for an album of music they already own. This is the primary aim of the music industry. The worst new track will be released as a single and will be a disastrous commercial failure, thus confusing anyone owning the album in five years' time as to the reason for its inclusion.
The main reason for this failure is that releasing a Best Of in itself means that your creative period is over and any further releases will be stale retreads of past work. Releasing an album called "Greatest Hits So Far" means your career is completely over. Releasing a Best Of after two or fewer original albums is a sure sign that you are Roxette; releasing more greatest hits albums than original recordings means you are Phil Collins. I feel sorry for you.
The other kind of compilation album comes from the world's most evil supergroup, Various Artists. The Artists, as fans know them, release enormous amounts of music for people who don't like music; last year, they produced over two thousand albums - even more than Symbol, The Artist Formerly Known as Talented. Endless rows of Now, Hot Hits, and Fresh Pop Chart 99 for moronic Independent Local Radio listeners; non-stop dance remixes for people so off their faces they could be dancing to the Smurfs; and worst of all, the love songs. Hours of wailing tuneless crud from the likes of Celine Dion, Mariah Carey and the Corrs, aimed at tarts with no taste in music, and their shallow males who pretend to like it to get sex. [beat; off-mic] Bastards.
Men with no taste in music are catered for too, with Over-Drive, Top Gear Classics and Open Road 3. Since they do not like music, these men do not listen to it except for when in their car, where they need to be distracted so that they can drive even more like cretins.
Compilation albums? [extra-Eddie-pompous] Now, that's what I call sh[beep]te!
...Abba Gold is good though.
Next week, in part 131 of Professor Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards's History of Music: boxed sets. Fifty quid for a cornflake box full of records you've already got, and you don't even get a free gift.