Dead celebrities

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Cut into sentence:
F/News
...and Mr. Milosevic was said... to... er... I'm sorry... we're just... getting reports...
M/News
<suppressed snigger>
F/News
No. It's a celebrity death, and you look really insensitive now. That is, we've just received reports that a minor celebrity, has died. The celebrity, who co-presented many well-loved daytime programmes on BBC2, was found dead this lunchtime after an overdose of marmalade. The presenter, who once shared the cover of the Radio Times with Tim Vine, was 43.
M/News
Later on we'll be bringing you hastily-prepared tributes from ordinary members of the public whose lives were touched because they once saw the celebrity on in Countdown's dictionary corner. People passing the studio will be prodded into professions of intense grief and genuine tears, despite having never met the celebrity, who, like all celebrities, was ambitious and cruel.
F/News
There'll be more on the death later in this bulletin...
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Cut point
M/News
...a country mourns following the death of the minor celebrity. Then the nation goes back to doing the ironing and watching telly. But who is to fill the gaping hole in the nation's heart...
F/News
[under breath] wrong, again...
M/News
...sorry, I'll read that again. Who is to fill the gaping hole in the nation's TV schedules?
F/News
The celebrity, though never truly famous, was gregarious - and promiscuous - enough to ensure placement on many high-quality BBC programmes, including popular shows "Garden Makeover Dating Challenge" and "Who's got the Biggest Bottom".
M/News
You'd be good at that.
F/News
[under breath] So unprofessional.
Later we'll be hearing from a range of resting actors who will mysteriously turn out to be close friends of of the celebrity, and will be competing for the newly-vacated presenting jobs by producing the most convincing performance of grief.
M/News
And, the celebrity's name is...
FX
Drum roll
M/News
J... [cut]
Music
Fantastic showbiz/gameshow theme
Voiceover
Yes, that's right! It's another celebrity stiff with The Sun's Super Lucky-Celebrity Wingo Bingo Death Scratchcards, where you can win a hundred thousand pounds!
FX
Crowd: Ooooh!
Voiceover
Just scratch away the lives of the silver-faced celebrities on your Super Lucky-Celebrity Wingo Bingo Death Scratchcard, and see if they conceal a Lucky Winnning Death Coffin! Get five Lucky Winning Death Coffins in a row, and you could win, a hundred thousand pounds!!
FX
Crowd: Ooooh!
Voiceover
Celebrity deaths are null and void in case of murder.
FX
Crowd: Ohhhw.
Voiceover
Er... a hundred thousand pounds!!
FX
Crowd: Ooooh!
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Cut to next item
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